New 'Super Smash Bros. Ultimate' fighters ranked by how much they kicked my ass
Incineroar hurts so much.
Incineroar hurts so much.
Image: nintendo

There are 11 brand new fighters in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate and almost all of them kicked my ass.

As I spent dozens of hours playing Ultimate in the last week, I unlocked tons of new fighters, including all of the new additions to the game from Chrom to Simon. Some of them gave me a really hard time in our one-on-one duels, and some of them infuriated me as they blasted my fighters off the stage time and time again.

Of course some of them were pretty easy. I am, after all, a lifelong Smash player and have the capacity to beat bots on a first attempt. But a surprising number of newcomers forced me into a second round.

This is by no means a power ranking of new Smash fighters. No. This is personal.

11. Ken

Ken isn't even that good at fighting.

Ken isn't even that good at fighting.

Image: nintendo

I beat Ken so easily it was honestly embarrassing for him. This Street Fighter legend came at me with basically nothing and I wiped the floor with him. I felt bad. I didn't even take more than like 20% in damage. For someone who has spent his whole life doing martial arts, he sure didn't put up much of a fight.

10. Isabelle

She did her best.

She did her best.

Image: nintendo

Oh Isabelle, when I saw you were going to be participating in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate I was excited. But then when I faced you one-on-one on the Animal Crossing stage and punched you so hard you exploded off-screen I felt bad. Isabelle's attacks involve trying to rope in opponents with a fishing poll and growing a tree in hopes of chopping it down onto people. She was easy to beat and I didn't feel great doing it.

9. Richter

If he would've come before Simon he could've been so much harder.

If he would've come before Simon he could've been so much harder.

Image: nintendo

Richter, the echo fighter of Simon from Castlevania, appeared to me after I had already faced and beaten Simon, so I knew all of his moves. He was tough, sure, but it wasn't too difficult to dodge his projectiles and go in for the kill. Richter put up a valiant effort. 

8. Inkling

The paint is disorienting.

The paint is disorienting.

Image: nintendo

Inklings come from the family friendly world of Splatoon where the name of the game is to cover up stuff in paint. This translates very well into Smash, and I found myself immediately covered in fluorescent, bright paint. The Inklings moves were hard to for me to pin down, and to be honest it was a much closer fight than I would've liked, considering I was playing as one of my favorite fighters, Samus. Good game, Inkling.

7. King K. Rool

His gun hurts pretty bad.

His gun hurts pretty bad.

Image: nintendo

Now we're getting into the really tough matchups. King K. Rool is not an easy fighter to take down. In my first round against King K. Rool, the fight was not even close. He blasted me out of the stage by reflecting one of my attacks with his down-B move. My next match up against K. Rool was too close for comfort, but I beat that gross green lizard fair and square. 

6. Chrom

My handsome son.

My handsome son.

Image: nintendo

My first fight against Chrom hurt because I was playing as Roy, who is basically the same fighter as Chrom. I got my ass handed to me, and I barely got a hit in. It was a match up of two swordsman and this bot defeated me easily, which was particularly tough because I had about 24 hours of playtime under my belt, so it's not like I was still warming up. I came back for round two with Dark Samus, and was getting destroyed all the way up to about 80% before I shifted my strategy and went full-on ranged attacks. I tore him in half with a fully charged neutral-B blast.

5. Ridley

Ridley the extraterrestrial dragon packs a punch.

Ridley the extraterrestrial dragon packs a punch.

Image: nintendo

Ridley was an early new challenger in my experience with Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, one of the first new fighters I came across, and I wanted him bad. I fought Ridley using Link, and Ridley literally wiped the floor with me. One of his moves is grabbing you and sliding you across the ground. Ridley tossed me into the lavas of Norfair and KO'd me before I ever got a good hit on him. It felt bad. I went at Ridley again and lost again. I was mad, I'll admit, but I cooled off and got a handle on everything, coming back with Link again to blast Ridley away.

4. Daisy

Daisy doesn't mess around.

Daisy doesn't mess around.

Image: nintendo

I've always loved playing as Peach, so getting Daisy felt important. I came at her with Lucina, thinking that some aggressive sword action would take care of her quickly. I was so wrong. She hip-slammed me into oblivion. Young Link was up next, and unfortunately I couldn't get the job done thanks to Daisy's counter-attack where she throws Toad up like a human shield. Finally I got her with Samus, and then I celebrated by playing as Daisy for about an hour. Take that, princess.

3. Simon

Simon's whips hurt so bad.

Simon's whips hurt so bad.

Image: nintendo

Simon came out swinging in Dracula's Castle, and I had no idea how to fight back. His whips were longer than I expected. His axes hit harder than I expected. He ended the first fight against me so quickly I thought there was no way I would unlock him. I felt that again as I lost to Simon once more, barely getting a hit in. Third time was the charm, I guess, as I killed him with a final smash move.

2. Dark Samus

Dark Samus is the cooler, edgier version of Samus,

Dark Samus is the cooler, edgier version of Samus,

Image: nintendo

I love playing as Samus, and I really wanted to play as Dark Samus in Ultimate. In fact, I was playing as Diddy Kong, and despite knowing the ins and outs of Samus's mechanics, I was decimated. She kicked me around, blew me up, and launched my monkey ass to death. I tried again as Samus, my main. I died as Samus against Dark Samus. I was humiliated. I think I almost cried. The next 10-15 minutes between round two and round three were filled with fury. I came back against Dark Samus with anger and I destroyed her with Bowser. I butt-slammed her so hard she evaporated off the side of the screen.

1. Incineroar

This is what peak performance looks like.

This is what peak performance looks like.

Image: nintendo

Incineroar was the most challenging fighter I encountered in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. With most fights I understood where I went wrong when I lost. With Incineroar, I was just getting trounced and there was nothing I could do. I was playing as Corrin in our first encounter, a character I don't really understand and frankly don't care for. Incineroar came prepared with moves that baffled me and grapples that destroyed me. I came back for round two with Young Link, to put a little range between us, but this beefy feline once again slammed me so hard I flew out of the boxing ring and into my death. For round three I handed off the controller to my girlfriend who tried with Shiek, but she too got wrestled into a KO. I tried agin. I just couldn't get any good damage on him. In round five I finally did it, I wrecked Incineroar (barely) with Dark Samus. I did it. It felt great to destroy that cat. It took about an hour to finish off, but I did it. 

Eat it, Incineroar.

WATCH: How 'Super Smash Bros. Ultimate' nails every aspect fans love about the series

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